Father

I wish to talk with You like a friend. With respect share my feelings, hopes and dreams. I wish to be irreverent, but not at the cost of speaking from my heart. Why is it so hard for me to love myself? It's sad that disappointment in myself is what I always feel. What must I do to earn my love and acceptance? I think I don't feel worthy of this wonderful life you have blessed me with. I think a lot about my sisters and feel guilty about their lives being cut short while mine continues. I hope to do more for my family then I am doing now. I dream about being confident and successful, but do not really know what that means. I wish to support my mother. I wish to lead my family. I dream of being a competent person. Organized. Calm. Sure. I hope to show them life is good and worth living. I want them to know how much You and I love them. How do I show them how special they are? I am grateful for this time with You. I believe in Thee. I love You. I know You love me too. I dream of hearing from You and knowing literally Thy Will for me, but I guess that would be too easy. Or maybe way too hard. I know that You are always with me, but I am seldom aware of Thy presence. This too may be too much. To truly know You are always with me. To know you are right here right now reading this as I write is a lot to take in. Thank You for the freedom to be alone or at least the freedom to feel alone. Thank You for Your companionship. I do not fear death. I feel in death I may finally know You. Or is death absence of Thee? Why must I ask so many questions? I think carrying the conversation for both of us makes me babble on a little bit. I dream of a conversation with You. I wish to know Thy hopes and dreams. I wish to know how You feel. How are You? Maybe in my dreams tonight You can let me know. Maybe while I sleep I can listen. I pray for good sleep tonight. I pray for good dreams tonight. I pray to know Thee. I pray in the name Emmanuel. Amen.